Relationships. In my opinion.
You're alright keep going.
Sometimes in a relationship, I'm not talking about my most recent relationship, but sometimes in a relationship you feel like giving up. You feel like whatever is next and new is far more interesting then the usual routine. The sex isn't all that good. You don't find yourself desiring the same person the way you used to.
Being with someone is a lot of work. There's always going to be someone else that's perhaps more desirable at a point in time. Sometimes it's because you know everything about the person. Sometimes you do the same things. Sometimes it's just because you might be bored with your own life and that's not necessarily a reflection of your partner.
You have sit with yourself and ask yourself whether you are a relationship person. A relationship person wants to grow old with someone. A companionship person wants to have someone around. What's the difference? The difference is that you don't necessarily care who you have around but just that you have them around. Now this is a hard thing to swallow and you don't want to say that's it's true. You just say to yourself that's impossible, I love the person I'm with. It's not that you don't love the person you are with, it just means that your boredom will eventually take over. Your boredom will consume your love, don't be ashamed. The satisfaction that you obtain from having them around is completely temporary upon your needs at the time. I'm not saying you're a selfish person but you certainly aren't in it for the long haul.
Here's the catch. There are a ton of people like you. Like a ton! So many in fact that this is a common problem and sometimes a reason for divorce. Sometimes these people have a tendency to go in and out of relationships. That's ok. You're either a companionship person or you're literally not with the right person. That's for another writing, but this is this writing.
How do you know you're in it for the long haul person. You view you're person as always there and you're alright with that. You view sex as an always pleasant scenario because you get to enjoy it with your partner. Not a psychological set of passions that you fancy one day and not the other. You view activities as a journey and exploration of life with your partner. You're ok that they are always around. You get excited and want to share the most mundane and boring things with them. You're always happy to speak with them and you want to fix things as soon as they aren't good. You don't care that you are bored because the person you're with is a permanent extension of yourself.
Now that sounds pleasant doesn't it. But it won't be pleasant for a companionship person. A companionship person, doesn't really like to be bothered. They always want exciting sex. They rather spend time with new and good looking strangers because the conversations excite them. The thing is that's ok. Trying to mold yourself into a long haul person just results in divorce.
Sometimes you are a long haul person but you don't know conflict resolution. You don't know how to treat each other properly or maybe your partner has bad habits. All of these problems you can get past with a really good therapist and the will to try really hard. But both people need to try really hard. Not just ok, I think I will try one day and not the other, no, everyday. The problems that you both have are psychological problems that are damaging to each other. You don't know to fix them because you just know how to be yourself and communicate as yourself. Really you don't know any other way. So it turns into a fight, or something else.
Don't be ashamed that which person you are just try not mix because it usually ends in divorce or ending the relationship.
The tipping point
Sometimes in a relationship, you arrive at a tipping point. A few things have made me decide to make this post. I have been reading how people are ending their relationship. Have read various things. All of this has made me realize it's a common thing. That people will meet people and decide based on one occurrence to revise whether they want to get into it. This is really interesting because I'm not referring to a continual habit of your spouse that makes you decide to no longer be with them. Something different. I'll give you an example. You're on a date. You hear something from their past or they have this weird quirk they do. Despite all the good that has expanded throughout that time you decide no this isn't what you want. The infraction could be minute but for some reason, it just throws you off.
This is very common. I guess what I'm wondering, what is this? What is this called? Is this a mental aversion? Like that time that someone made something wrong and you forever can't eat it. Can it be remedied? I don't think that we know what it is. I have a hunch though. I believe it's a mental assessment of the other person. That the fundamental foundation of their thoughts has manifested into action. This foundation has created this habit. A fundamental foundation that you can't compromise on. That brings into question all that you are. How you conduct yourself how you think etc. This imbalance and inability to mesh these foundations can create this aversion. This is my theory at least. I believe that's why something so minute could actually result in the end of the relationship or date.
So if you really like everything else about this person and it's just summed up to something like this, then, what do you do? You could start to unfold why it might be a foundational thought. How it could counteract etc. This is still very new but you can't deny this is a thing. Maybe this is why some people don't date a type that could potentially good for them. Something to consider at least.
The during and after
That personal thing that no one wants to talk about. Yet that personal thing often takes the relationship on a ride of emotions: hate, depression, resentment, etc. That personal thing is called sex. Recently I did an article review and the significance of sex is astounding. Couples often fight about sex but have difficulties resolving the deeper issues that create this problem. Couples that have healthy sexual relationships will often have less stress and strain on their relationships. The forbidden word, therapy, comes to mind.
Therapy is actually really good for the relationship if you can't get past these problems with your partner. What people think of, when they think of a sex therapist, is an uncomfortable setting they'd rather not be in. However, it's not how you imagine it. They work with the root causes of why you are having difficulties. They help you communicate with your partner to fulfill each other's needs. Focusing on touch and other aspects that you might not be aware of. Did you know that the more often you objectify sex, the less personal and eventually the less enjoyable it becomes with your partner?
You want to give yourself the best sex of your life! You deserve the best sex of your life. It's not in a different partner. It's most likely with your own partner but approached in a different way. The human body is astounding, anyone can be a sex-machine. There are no limitations on sexual satisfaction or the number of toys you can buy for yourself and your partner. However, all of those things pale in comparison to healthy intimacy. Having your partner's needs actualized and realized makes the difference.
Sometimes your understanding of being satisfied needs to be redefined. Spending time masturbating while being in a relationship is not something to be ashamed of either. Understanding your own needs will help you redefine what truly satisfies you. so explore more, be more considerate of your partner's needs, talk about things that you feel like you can't...and have more sex!
Trust does it exist
We advise you to stop reading this immediately and gain some trust.
No but really if you are in a relationship and you are reading this and you might or might not trust the person you are with. I think your first question would have to be why.
This is basically all I have to say today.
Love and hold your partner and tell them how much you love them.
That's a crucial aspect to a relationship. To really let your partner know they are important to you. Maybe because of distance you don't have the opportunity to do this. If you do though hold them, make them feel safe. Let them know you love them in every and any way you can.
Let them know they are special to you. Make sure you do this today and every day because it feels nice to your other partner. Creating a space of love and appreciation and praise, really makes a difference.
My understanding of avoiding infidelity
My understanding of infidelity. Infidelity is like a sucking mechanism, no pun intended. The other person sucks you in, while you are in a relationship. Something they say, something they do, how they act sucks you in. Maybe the reality that is being presented with the person you are currently with is making the landscape void of excitement. Either way you are seeking to renew yourself in some way. That's not always what's happening though. Sometimes someone is very persuasive.Either way you are accepting the interaction that is taking place. You don't know what's happening to you but you like it. So you stay awhile to just establish what you are doing there or what could be discovered. Every minute that you are with that person though you are leaving the door open to your heart. Letting them hold it for just a minute more. Until you decide, oh this is actually what I want to happen. I like this person now. This is just a transfer of care. It's not necessarily that you will now love this person more or less while comparing heights in the relationship, but you are simply transferring that care.
What else? as it's been said before by others, "a necessary loss". Deeming something to be harmless is simply avoiding the potential reality. That although you gain something from the interaction you are actually increasing the chances that it will evolve into something else. I think in our day and age it's difficult to let go of things. I recently had an encounter where I was discussing hording. The process of holding on to things for the sake of holding onto things. I think that is difficult for some people. That losing one thing is actually making space for the thing that you deem to be most important. That you don't prefer social interactions more or less with other people. Maybe it's a friendship, or a friendly acquaintance, or potential business partner. These relationships could add value to your life but if it slowly erodes what you love so much in front of you then, it becomes harmful to your relationship.
Do you just not interact with people? That's usually not the scenario. Usually you know immediately whether you are attracted to someone either emotionally or physically in a non platonic way. It's just what you talk about, when you talk, how you talk to the person. There's no exact science to it but there really doesn't have to be. Usually your significant other knows when they don't feel comfortable around that person. To deny them of that would be to put into question how they perceive reality. If you aren't in agreeance about how you receive information through your senses then you have a much larger problem. Maybe that's a requirement to be together is to trust that information or at least to have an intelligent debate about it. Generally though that topic is something of senses, it's usually difficult to debate.
Maybe committed relationships aren't for you. That's another thing, but you shouldn't bring your significant other along for the ride and make them believe you have the capacity to be with one person, when you don't. There's many people that prefer open relationships. You can't however expect that from the person you are with just because you like them. You are devaluing their life and what they deem to be normal, safe, happy and secure.
Assuming they won't find out. That would have to be a very large misconception. Women usually know as it's happening. If they are oblivious that's because they have many things on their mind. They don't have time to carefully and scrupulously examine what is going on with the changes in your behavior. Let's just assume they will find out.
then there's oh that sucks
The second that someone tell you they don't feel the same. You know it. It's that feeling. I've never had a break up before but I've heard many stories. Friends saying they wanted to date right away. I couldn't imagine that. Friends saying eat ice cream gain weight or lose weight something like that. I have a routine. Friends say just reminisce on all the good times. No, but I probably I would sometimes do that. So I can't say what I would do. I would probably make a light so bright and beautiful that just calmed me down and made me feel like it was alright to be calmed down. Like, it's ok, we all know you are sad right now. Maybe just be sad for a bit. It's ok.
I don't know what I would do honestly. All I know is that healing is a part of the process. Sometimes we don't have time to heal. So it's important to try at least to do both. Get yourself there. One day at a time. Until you are ok again. That's my advice to you.